liberated

“There’s someone to see you, Sam,” the prison guard unlocked the door.

Sam wobbled his arthritic legs towards the booth as David stood up to greet him, watching him carefully. Head shaped like a melon; dirty blonde hair ruched back.Eyes the color of marble.  David talked, while matching Sam’s features to his own. For clues. Sam pretended to listen, interrupting the monologue with indifferent silence – impatient to return to the familiarity of his cell.

David got up.

“Disappointed in me, kid?”

“Not really, I’m glad we aren’t alike at all.”  David pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, crushing the paper Rosie gave him with his dad’s name and possible address.

——-

Word count: 110

Above in response to voice week 2013 – voice 4

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16 thoughts on “liberated

  1. “ruched” What does this word mean?

    This feels very distanced, especially compared to the other three, which at the end, fits in perfectly with Sam. Sad, but very well done. 🙂

  2. Wow, I love this down to the title. The irony of David finally finding his release in a prison, and in a meeting that must have been heart-wrenching on some level, is quite brilliant. I like this guy for not letting his roots decide his future. Looking forward to tomorrow!

  3. I like the mood to this piece, but even better is the ending. It’s interesting how people will go to such great lengths to get a result from someone they’re supposed to be close to…but then make good of the answers regardless of what they are. Nice read!

  4. The final lines were brutal, which capped off the sombre mood.

    However, I got a little bit confused about whose voice this was. It was David observing Sam, but then Sam was pretending to listen — it seems to deviate between the two.

    But a marvellously written piece, nonetheless. 🙂

    1. Oh, actually my voices are characters – sometimes themselves or letting the narrator talk about them in third person. So, this piece was dedicated to Sam. In order to get the story forward, I had to use David in it.
      Thanks so much, for stopping by and posting a comment 🙂

  5. The pov switches are slightly confusing – this piece seems to be mainly Sam’s POV (albeit through close third person rather than 1st), but there are a few places where we must be in David’s head to know what David is thinking.
    Great use of details again, and I’m glad David isn’t letting his past rule his future.

  6. What a tale you are weaving, and the atmosphere you create within each of your pieces are delicate, yet intriguing, I could happily keep on reading more; you’ve depicted the estranged distance perfectly here, really, really great job. 🙂

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