homecoming

She walked with a slight limp, arranging the dowdy cap on her head like a barren flower bed in Mrs. Smith’s yard.  She wasn’t anything like he’d imagined. Not while he was beaten in the orphanage or when he was given an old, seamless edition of Tom Sawyer or a useless sweater.

The old oak stooped over the fence, scrubbing the serrated wood. By the Oldsmobile, she  fumbled with keys; her glasses barely hanging.

“Mrs. Robinson, lemme help you Ma’am.”

“Thank you… who are you?” She struggled as he pulled the ajar door.

“Hi, Mom.” The warm dust rose and swallowed the words.

———————

Word Count: 103

Above in response to Voice week 2013, first voice

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23 thoughts on “homecoming

      1. I could be wrong (I fear that most of my grammar knowledge is more instinctual than anything, much to my mother’s chagrin), but I do not think you need a final period, especially not as the word after the ellipsis is not capitalized.
        But, again, great waves of ebbing tension.

      2. Thanks so much! You are right 🙂 I wanted to convey a pause before she said “who are you”. It is great to have someone with instinctive grammar knowledge :). much appreciated!
        This is my first time in voice week, thoroughly enjoying the inspiring comments.

  1. Well then. That was…well, kind of like a punch to the gut. In a good way, mind you. I loved the whole mood of the piece, the forlorn longingness of it which was captured in just a few words. Fantastic job, I can’t wait to read more!

  2. Wow, the orphanage and his imaginings there gave us the first clue, but that last line still packed a punch. You give us a great deal of character here in just a few words. Good stuff! (Do you mean “the orphanage”?)

  3. Oh my goodness, I was not expecting that, you reel in the reader quite slowly then pow..great start to the week, really looking forward to what you come up with next. 🙂

  4. I’m not sure you need that sentence about the old oak…it doesn’t seem to have a purpose to this overall story.

    I like the shock ending. Twists are my favorite 🙂

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