Beginning of Fall

It is a beautiful crisp morning after a long, dry spell of summer. I hold my teacup and brush the patio sofa to watch the beginning of the last dance of nature. Leaves have turned inside out, the dryness has imparted a special glow to them. They will depart soon and rest on the ground. Something else will take their place. It seems like a regular process, what we call circle of life but is it so simple to wave adieu?

I sip the chai, the insides feel covered in a blanket of a warm liquid. The sun slants its rays on my face, illuminating a part of it like a half-moon making me ruminate over life and death; brightness fighting the darkness and illusion masking the reality. I have searched for so many answers sitting here and today everything seems settled, in a steady state as if I no longer have the yearning to know why am I here. The only thing that matters is that I am here, alive in a body, dreaming and holding wonder in the corner of my eyes watching the splendor that is scattered all around me.

One day, I will fall as one of the leaves, buried in dirt, decomposed to nourish the life that has just sprouted. So, do I ever disappear from the cosmos? Perhaps, not. My memories may be erased, my life may remain as a record locked in dusted files, but my existence never ceases. It only changes forms, like different colors of the same rainbow, or pixels on a TV screen fading into a big picture.

With some reluctance, I peep within, once again – to sweep the cobwebs of fear, to untangle knotted relationships and hold hands with the wind to guide me with its graceful randomness. Ahead lies the evening of my life; of aging and many ailments. Of many, cold, lonely nights and few shinning days. Perhaps there is glory even in that. After all, we cannot understand love without pain; we cannot nurture compassion unless we are exhausted of violence.

I close my eyes to bid farewell to the dear ones who departed sometime back, I fill my heart with gratitude to welcome the new additions. The circle of life radiates the constant message of change. Nothing lasts forever. This is my hour, this is my blip. Let me shine as bright as I can.

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10 thoughts on “Beginning of Fall

  1. “cobwebs of fear” (love that phrase).
    i like how you interweave the season of fall, with the season of decomposing and dying. i had never thought of autumn like this, until i moved to a cooler climate and actually witnessed the changing of leaves and the falling of them to the ground… paralleling my time in the hospital where i also cared for the dying. and it seemed as though, suddenly, the puzzle pieces fit together and it all made sense.

    and your piece totally encapsulated all of that.

    thanks for sharing this. i really enjoy the sincerity in your writing.

      1. I think so in terms of getting there, I don’t think the acceptance will be there. not unless somethign inside my head can change.

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