A clean swap

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex for a day? What do you think life would be like?

Disclaimer: the above passage is written with author’s obsession of good-looking, single males and equally hot females. No offense intended for either or others. Yet, reader discretion is advised.

I wake up and walk to the bathroom; the image in the mirror makes me scream! Where did everything go? Where are my curves, my breath-taking cleavage, my smooth silky skin, my wicked, coquettish eyes and my long, grumbled, tangled but sexy hair? While in thick of my grave astonishment, I see a writing on the neighboring wall – you are swapped for a day! Enjoy being on the other side, that you so once complained and whined about and even secretly wished for!

I raise my eyes again to the mirror and realize that it is all not so bad except that a female heart full of emotions is trapped inside a man’s body. Not good, but will have to test it out. I hear clicking in the left side of my brain –  I can feel the logic circuitry running on full speed – rationalizing, analyzing and already searching frantically for a challenge, a chase. I rush into the shower to calm my urges.

As the water slips on my alien body full of hair and a dangling banana between two berries; I orbit between what are the tasks of the day, the work at office and the cute secretary I always had the hots for (Though am also scratching my head at the same time as where are all these thoughts coming from? Are they part of this plan too?). Whatever, I whisper under my breath and continue bathing, enjoying the testosterone making its way into my head filling the once known tender, emotional space with carnal and exotic females. Interesting enough, my intellectual dimension has changed too – I have a sudden spurt to know every gadget in the world and own the fastest car. I step out and feel good with new, strange confidence invisibly printed across my swollen chest and tight abs and hips. I am no longer self critical; instead I am happy for all that I see and feel across my muscles, my taut skin and my rustic roughness.

At the breakfast table, I realize that my taste buds have changed – I am aching to get a cup of black coffee with muffins and croissants (something I ‘d never choose in the uniform of a prior gender and most certainly, it has nothing to do with gender, it is just a change). I grab the breakfast with a breathtaking speed and scan the headlines of WSJ – switching directly to financial markets, sports and not pausing even over the fashion headlines. Crap – I whisper, I want to get back to the world of stilettos and asymmetrical dresses and shoes – the rest is dry and colorless like concrete but somehow, my mind does not budge. It devours every statistics related to baseball, DOW and what not. A part of my being is satisfied for the day after absorbing the newspaper.

In office, everyone seems to know me and my name reads A. Smith – hmm where did that come from? Did my race, ethnicity got swapped too? I nod my head and open my computer and realize that I am an accountant instead of an engineer. Great! I almost swear.  but the figures, numbers, formulae everything pops out of my head as easy as breathing and I close the day with some astounding figures and productivity. Of course, I flirt with the secretary; have lunch with a hot ex-colleague and attend two meetings. Surprisingly, in all my interactions with females, I stand out as courteous, understanding and respectful. They don’t know what’s happening inside my head and I am super glad for that! After all, I am not just a sex machine – I , too, have feelings. However deep down, I know the truth – I am just a primate making my way in the world playing by its rules set by the fairer sex. ( Did I just whine? Has to be the residual female in me!)

The evening comes by soon and my new I-phone chimes a reminder to meet my friends at our usual bar. I race my car through the maze of the city exactly knowing where to go without getting lost; parallel park my care perfectly (close to the curb) in one shot and head inside. The loudness, the beer, the girl gazing and the man talk just takes me to a happy, new level. I return back with a clear head and a jubilant heart.

Before I retire for the day, I take a hearty look at my shapely male body for the last time. I think a bit of all that composes me as me and in a strange realization, somewhere beyond the depths of physics – I am the same person – male or female. My hormones may control what I think and maybe even sometimes do, but I still have the same values and instincts. I have the same opinion about life and how to live. I smile and lay down. It’s comforting to know that I am still, myself.

I know, today was good and tomorrow will be different. It will be great – cannot wait to go to the other side!

As I am falling asleep, the message on the wall changes to – your memory of today will self-destruct in five seconds – 5,4,3,2..



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